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Knock Knock
Who's there !
Aardvark !
Aardvark who ?
Aardvark a hundred miles for one of your smiles !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Aaron !
Aaron who !
Aaron on the side of caution!
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Abbott !
Abbott who ?
Abbott time you answered the door !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Abe !
Abe who ?
Abe C D E F G H... !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Abyssinia !
Abyssinia who ?
Abyssinia behind bars one of these days !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Acid !
Acid who ?
Acid down and be quiet !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Ada !
Ada who ?
Ada burger for lunch !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Adair !
Adair who ?
Adair once but I'm bald now !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Adam !
Adam who ?
Adam if I do and adam if I don't !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Adelia !
Adelia who ?
Adelia the cards and we'll play snap !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Adlai !
Adlai who ?
Adlai a bet on that !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Adolf !
Adolf who ?
Adolf ball hit me in the mouth !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Aesop !
Aesop who ?
Aesop I saw a puddy cat !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Agatha !
Agatha who ?
Agatha headache. Do you have an aspirin ?
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Agnes !
Agnes who ?
Agnes & Topeka & the Santa Fe !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Ahmed !
Ahmed who ?
Ahmedeus Mozart !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alaska !
Alaska who ?
Alaska my friend the question then !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Aida !
Aida who ?
Aida lot of sweets and now I've got tummy ache !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Al !
Al who ?
Al give you a kiss if you open this door !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Aladdin !
Aladdin who ?
Aladdin the street wants a word with you !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alba !
Alba !
Alba in the kitchen if you need me !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Albee !
Albee !
Albee a monkey's uncle !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Albert !
Albert who !
Albert you don't know who this is !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alberta !
Alberta who !
Alberta'll be over in a minute !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alda !
Alda who ?
Alda time you knew who it was !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Aldo !
Aldo who ?
Aldo anywhere with you !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alec !
Alec who ?
Alec-tricity. Isn't that a shock !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alec !
Alec who ?
Alec my lolly !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alex !
Alex who ?
Alex the questions round here !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alexia !
Alexia who ?
Alexia again to open this door !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alfalfa !
Alfalfa who ?
Alfalfa you, if you give me a kiss !
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Alfie !
Alfie who ?
Alfie terrible if you leave !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alfred !
Alfred who !
Alfred of the dark !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alfred !
Alfred who !
Alfred the needle if you sew !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Ali !
Ali who ?
Ali, Ali oxen free !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alice !
Alice who ?
I'm Alice chasing rainbows.... !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alison !
Alison who ?
Alison it's dark outside !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Allan !
Allan who !
Allan-d of Manhattan !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Allegra !
Allegra who ?
Allegra is broken !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alli !
Alli who ?
Alligator, that's who !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Allied !
Allied who ?
Allied, so sue me !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alma !
Alma who ?
Alma-ny knock knock jokes can you take !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alma !
Alma who ?
Alma not going to tell you !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Almond !
Almond who ?
Almond the side of the law !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alpaca !
Alpaca who ?
Alpaca the trunk, you pack the suitcase !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Althea !
Althea who ?
Althea later, alligator !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alva !
Alva who ?
Alva heart !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alvin !
Alvin who !
Alvin a great time, how about you ?
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Amahl !
Amahl who ?
Amahl shook up !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Amana !
Amana who ?
Amana bad mood !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Amazon !
Amazon who ?
Amazon of a gun !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Amin !
Amin who ?
Amin thing to do !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Ammonia !
Ammonia who ?
Ammonia little kid !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Amory !
Amory who ?
Amory Christmas and a Happy New Year !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Amsterdam !
Amsterdam who ?
Amsterdam tired of all these knock knock jokes !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Amos !
Amos who ?
Amosquito just bit me !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Amy !
Amy who?
Amy fraid I've forgotten !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Andrew !
Andrew who ?
Andrew a picture !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Andy !
Andy who ?
Andy mosquito bit me again !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Anita !
Anita who ?
Anita you like I need a hole in the head !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Anka !
Anka who ?
Anka the ship !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Ankansas !
Ankansas who ?
Ankansas though any piece of wood !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Ankara !
Ankara who ?
Ankara went off the cliff !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Ann !
Ann who ?
Anndromeda Strain !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Anna !
Anna who ?
Anna one, anna two... !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Anna !
Anna who ?
Anna going to tell you !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Anne Boleyn !
Anne Boleyn who ?
Anne Boleyn alley !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Annetta !
Annetta who ?
Annetta wisecrack and you're out of here !
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Annie!
Annie who ?
Annie one you like !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Anthem !
Anthem who ?
You Anthem devil you !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Anthony !
Anthony who !
Anthony you want !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Apple !
Apple who ?
Apple your hair if you don't let me in !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Arbus !
Arbus who ?
Arbus leaves in 5 minutes ?
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Arch !
Arch who ?
You catching a cold ?
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Aretha !
Aretha who ?
Aretha flowers !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Argo !
Argo who ?
Argo down the shops !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Aries !
Aries who ?
Aries a reason why I talk this way !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Arizona !
Arizona who ?
Arizona room for one of us in this town !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Armageddon !
Armageddon who ?
Armageddon getting out of here !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Armenia !
Armenia who ?
Armenia every word I say !
How do you prevent a Summer cold ?
Catch it in the Winter !
What is the best day of the week to sleep ?
Snooze-day !
What does one star say to another star when they meet ?
Glad to meteor !
Why did the silly kid stand on his head ?
His feet were tired !
Why did the king go to the dentist ?
To get his teeth crowned !
Were you long in the hospital ?
No, I was the same size that I am now !
What button won't you find in a tailors shop ?
Belly button !
How did the farmer fix his jeans ?
With a cabbage patch !
What stories do the ship captain's children like to hear ?
Ferry tales !
What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive ?
A minnie van !
How did the telephones get married ?
In a double ring ceremony !
Why did the child study in the aeroplane ?
He wanted a higher education !
Why was the broom late ?
It over slept !
Do you know the time ?
No, we haven't met yet !
What kind of hair do oceans have ?
Wavy !
What runs but never walks ?
Water !
How do you make milk shake ?
Give it a good scare !
Whats red and flies and wobbles at the same time ?
A jelly copter !
Waiter, this soup tastes funny ?
Then why aren't you laughing !
Why did the clock get sick ?
It was run down !
Is this a second hand shop ?
Yes Sir
Good. Can you fit one to my watch then please !
In the park this morning I was surrounded by Lions!
Lions !!, in the Park ?
Well, dandelions !
How is business going ?
I'm looking for a new cashier
But you only had a new one last week
Yes, that's the one I'm looking for !
Do you have any invisible ink ?
Certainly sir. What color ?
What did you get for christmas ?
A harmonica, its the best present I've ever had.
Why ?
My mom gives me extra pocket money every week not to play it !
Whatdo you mean by telling everyone that I'm an idiot ?
I'm sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be a secret!
This match won't light !
That's funny, it did this morning !
A noise woke me up this morning.
What was that ?
The crack of dawn !
Have you ever seen a duchess ?
Yes - it's the same as an English "s" !
It's gone forever - forever I tell you !
What has ?
Yesterday !
What's the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale ?
You can't keep a good man down !
Who designed Noah's ark?
An ark-itect !
What was the greatest accomplishment of the early Romans ?
Speaking Latin !
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons ?
He wanted Mark Antony !
Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America ?
On their feet !
Why does history keep repeating itself ?
Because we weren't listening the first time !
Who succeeded the first President of the USA ?
The second one !
If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who supported Atlas ?
His wife !
What did Noah do while spending time on the ark ?
Fished, but he didn't catch much. He only had two worms !
Why did Eve want to move to New York ?
She fell for the Big Apple !
When did Caesar reign ?
I didn't know he reigned.
Of course he did, didn't they hail him ?
1st Roman Soldier: What is the time ?
2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII !
Why did the Romans build straight roads ?
So their soldiers didn't go around the bend !
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is ?
Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss !
Teacher: When was Rome built ?
Pupil: At night.
Teacher: Why did you say that ?
Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day !
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra ?
Toga-ether we can rule the world !
What happened when the slave put his head into a lions mouth to count how many teeth he had ?
The lion closed its mouth to see how many heads the slave had !
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages ?
Because there were so many knights !
Why did Arthur have a round table ?
So no one could corner him !
Who invented King Arthur's round table ?
Sir Circumference !
What was Camelot ?
A place where people parked their camels !
What was Camelot famous for ?
It's knight life !
When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave ?
Rust in peace !
When were King Arthur's army too tired to fight ?
When they had lots of sleepless knights !
How did the Vikings send secret messages ?
By norse code !
What English King invented the fireplace ?
Alfred the grate !
What famous chiropodist ruled England ?
William the Corn-cutter!
Who invented fractions ?
Henry the 1/8th !
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains
Well pull yourself together then
Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me.
Next please!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there is two of me
One at a time please
Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam.
You're too tents.
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm invisible
Who said that?
Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film!
Hmmmm.Let's hope nothing develops.
Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep.
Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.
Doctor, Doctor I've lost my memory!
When did this happen?
When did what happen?
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you later.
Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil 'till I get there
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell?
Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn't I see you yesterday?
Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something?
Yes - here's a kite!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.But I'm not allowed up on the couch!
Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking
Do you drink a lot?Not really - I spill most of it!
Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache?
Of course. Just take this hammer and hit yourself in the head. Then you'll have a bad headache.
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bridge
What's come over you?Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
Doctor Doctor I feel like biscuits!
What, you mean those square ones?Yes!
The ones you put butter on?Yes!
Oh, You're Crackers!
Doctor, Doctor Can I have second opinion?
Of course, come back tomorrow!
Doctor, Doctor When I press with my finger here... it hurts, and here... it hurts, and here... and here... What do you think is wrong with me?
You have a broken finger!
Doctor, Doctor I feel like an apple.
We must get to the core of this !
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a sheep.
That's baaaaaaaaaad !
Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don't feel well.
That's quite enough out of you !
Doctor, Doctor I'm becoming invisible.
Yes I can see you're not all there !
Doctor how can I cure my sleep walking ?
Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor !
Doctor these pills you gave me for BO...
What's wrong with them ?
They keep slipping out from under my arms !
Doctor, Doctor my husband smells like fish
Poor sole !
Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.
Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch !
Doctor, Doctor my sister thinks she is an elevator!
Well tell her to come in
I can't she doesn't stop at this floor !
Doctor, Doctor I've had tummy ache since I ate three crabs yesterday.
Did they smell bad when you took them out of their shells ?
What do you mean "took them out of their shells
tor, Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage.
Don't talk rubbish !
Doctor, Doctor I'm boiling up !
Just simmer down !
Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots ?
I never make rash promises !
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a needle.
I see your point !
Tell me straight Doc, Is it bad ?
Well, I wouldn't start watching any new soap operas !
Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse.
Take one of these every 4 laps !
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a bee.
Well buzz off I'm busy !
Doctor, Doctor I'm a burglar !
Have you taken anything for it ?
Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing double.
Please sit on the couch.
Which one !
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a telephone.
Well, take these pills and if they don't work then give me a ring
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Arnie !
Arnie who !
Arnie having fun ?
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Arnold !
Arnold who ?
Arnold friend you haven't seen for years !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Arthur !
Arthur who !
Arthur any more biscuits in the tin !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Asa !
Asa who !
Asa-int amongst men !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Ashley !
Ashley who ?
Ashley-t's foot !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Asia !
Asia who ?
Asia you going to let me in then !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Astor !
Astor who ?
Astor the ball is over !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Atch !
Atch who ?
I'm sorry I didn't know you had a cold !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Athena !
Athena who ?
Athena flying saucer !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Athens !
Athens who ?
Athens I love you !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Atlas !
Atlas ?
Atlas it's the weekend !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Atomic !
Atomic who ?
Atomic ache!
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Audrey !
Audrey who ?
Audrey be doing this !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Augusta !
Augusta who ?
Augusta go home now !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Aunt Lou !
Aunt Lou who ?
Aunt Lou do you think you are !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Austin !
Austin who ?
Austin corrected !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Avenue !
Avenue who ?
Avenue head the good news !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Avocado !
Avocado who ?
Avocado a cold !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Axel !
Axel who ?
Axeldental Tourist !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Axl !
Axl who ?
Axl me nicely and I might just tell you !
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